*this article first appeared in the April/May 2009 issue of Real Woman Magazine. Click here to get the full article in pdf form!

Every year, we celebrate and acknowledge our moms on Mother’s Day. We give flower bouquets and sentimental cards. We often give Mom a break from planning meals and take her out for dinner. Children make handmade gifts of crepe paper, white glue, sparkles and ribbons for ‘the world’s best Mommy.’

Even though you think your Mother sticks her nose in your business, or is overly critical of your parenting or house cleaning abilities (making you utterly crazy sometimes), Mother’s Day is the one occasion you acknowledge her place in your life.

But, how do you celebrate
Mother’s Day without your Mom?

On December 1, 1997 thirty-nine year old Loretta Murphy was killed when the vehicle she was driving was hit by a train in rural Alberta. Her husband and three children, Sheena 15, Cortney 13 and Cody 9, were left devastated by her loss.

Sheena, now twenty-seven, shared her feelings about becoming ‘an orphan’ and the impact of the loss on their family. “I was almost sixteen when she died. My dad had do continue working, so I grew up quickly and became the mother figure for my sister and brother. It wasn’t asked of me, I just did it.”

After her Mom’s death, Sheena was given the book Motherless Daughters , but had a hard time relating to it as it was written from an adult perspective. “At that time I was very bitter and sad, and I really felt like I didn’t care how I would feel when I was an adult. I wanted validation on what feelings were normal one year, two years, after loss. Should I still be able to get up and go to school everyday? Should I be able to relate to my teenage friends who were arguing with their Mothers? While they were going to parties and fighting about boyfriends, we were doing our own laundry, making our own meals, and trying to keep up with our chores on the farm.” Their Dad worked away and they were often on their own most weeks.

“I remember one day when I dropped my brother and sister off at school, I turned out of the parking lot and drove to a dead end and cried all morning. I didn’t know if I was losing my mind, or if this was ‘normal’ grieving.”

“Understandably, our Dad was not coping well, and I felt the pressure to be the one who made life okay. Our Mom had been that person, and I felt like she had prepared me to take over. It took me a few years longer than Cortney and Cody to stop going through the motions of life and start to really be myself again. I think that’s when my depression sunk in, when I moved away from home and started living my own life. There was a lot of guilt at that time, I felt like I was abandoning them. Those were by far my toughest years, from about sixteen to twenty-one. I really don’t know how we did it.”

Clockwise from top left: Sheena Murphy, CG Bulbeck, Alissa New, Tina Jensen, Cortney Murphy - Missing: Marion Klug

Around the age of twenty four, it became clear to Sheena that what she longed for was a connection with other women who had experienced the same loss. She began to search the internet for support and discovered a U.S-based network called Motherless Daughters. “I couldn’t find Canadian chapters of the organization, so I posted a brand new group on www.meetup.com.”

this article first appeared in the April/May 2009 issue of Real Woman Magazine Motherless Daughters of Central Alberta was created to unite women and girls of any age who have lost their mother or mother figure. The group exists as a support network. Members can share with each other, discussing ways of grieving and how their loss has and will impact their lives, allowing a natural healing process.

Shortly after the creation of this group, Sheena gave birth to a baby girl “As soon as I got pregnant I began reading Hope Edelman’s second book Motherless Mothers and found it to be the most beautiful book. It validated so many of the feelings I had.”

Sheena says, “I want our losses to bring out the good in us, by making us mentors and guides for others who are struggling to
overcome their own grief. This group is open to women and girls of all ages who are struggling with their pain, or to those willing
to mentor others. I would have given anything for an understanding friend while I was dealing with my Mother’s sudden death as
a teen. I want to help other young girls. We need to be there for each other and for younger girls who need compassion!”

If you are interested in learning more, visit www.meetup.com and search Motherless Daughters in Canada or by city and postal code. It’s currently free to join.
Regular meetings will be scheduled as the group grows.

~ interview and article by kim bérubé ~ Copyright Real Woman Magazine 2009 ~ www.realwomanontherun.com